(o) Deadpooch (o)
by FictionFox'95
Summary: Deadpool has a version in all universes, including Zootopia! After being a guinea pig for the Night Howler drug, burn survivor Wade Wilson uses his new painfully-gotten abilities to become the mafia's best muscle. However, being used and censored has left him pissed and determined to take out the newly-revealed Bellwether, but a certain duo takes the case to stop him.
1. The New Case

All was calm throughout the dimly lit streets of downtown Zootopia. After the 'savage scare' caused by the Night Howler drugs, unity between predator and prey has never been stronger. More trust and respect are given to and by both types all thanks to the new faces of the ZPD. However, their job is never quite finished because there were still some unsavory souls that roamed the streets.

Taking advantage of the less populated night, Doug, the ram responsible for the savage attacks, trudged down the boulevard toward his apartment. Unfortunately, even the late hours were too crowded for comfort, a good number of nocturnal folk still did most of their activities then.

It wasn't too long before the criminal made it, unnoticed, to his home. The red building stood out in the dimmer light and faint hissing noises could be heard coming from the side. Judging by the thin sound, it was probably just some teenagers tagging the wall.

"Ugh... predators, no doubt." He grumbled under his breath. Even with the newly reinforced peace, he still held a strong grudge against all predator species.

As he entered the lobby, despite it being deserted, the stout ram still felt like he was being watched. He picked up his walking pace and headed for the elevators. In a few, brief moments, he finally made it to his floor and completed the journey home. Stepping inside, Doug placed down his pullover coat and tossed his hat onto the couch where he then sat down. The apartment was the furthest thing from tidy. All sorts of clothes, pizza boxes, and chemistry books cluttered the floor.

Being indifferent to it all, he reached next to him and unfolded a crumpled newspaper. It was an old copy, dated at the time where the Night Howler case was solved. On the headlines were Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps, standing as partners for the camera. From obvious disdain, the picture had been ruined with red markings angrily scratched onto their faces. Giving a disgruntled snort, he flipped the page to the Classifieds in search of a new job. Luckily, former mayor Bellwether wasn't given a deal to name names so his part isn't a well-known fact.

His eye caught an ad for a Chemistry teacher at the local high school, so it seemed to be something up his alley. He was just about to reach for a pencil to mark it when the newspaper suddenly tore straight down the middle. Letting the halves fall onto the ground, the startled goat slowly looked up to see a Jack Russell Terrier dressed from ear to paw in red and black Spandex. His eyes were concealed by the two thin, white screens that were part of the mask. In his hand was a hard-plastic sword pick shaped into a katana, probably taken from an elephant restaurant from the life-sized appearance of it. A second one rested in a sheath strapped to his back.

"W-wade..." The goat breathed nervously, "what're you doing here? I already paid Mr. Big the money to keep quiet about my involvement."

The canine raised an eye before snatching his associate by the collar of his shirt. "I'm not here because of the rodent..." he explained, gritting his teeth.

"Then what is it you want?" the ram asked.

Using a paw to grip the bottom of the mask, Wade pulled it above his head, revealing his face to be badly damaged. His fur had been missing, replaced by severe burn injuries that were permanent. The tip of his left ear was also gone, seemingly bitten off by another predator.

"I want some freaking sunscreen, Doug!" He barked, teeth bared. His eyes then snapped open, questioningly. "Did I really just say 'freaking'?" Shaking a gloved fist, Wade yelled at the roof. "Can't let me drop one F-Bomb, can you!?"

At this point, Doug had became incredibly worried with the mental state of his interrogator. "W-who are you talking to!?"

Wade slowly looked down at him and squinted his eyes. "The guy who wrote this next part."

Without skipping a beat, he hoisted the ram off his feet and ran straight toward the far window, tossing him through the glass. With frightened bleating, Doug fell twelve stories followed by the frantic honking of drivers who were unfortunate enough to have seen his body fall.

From the other side of the window, Wade peered down on the streets below. "Heh, ok, I can understand not showing THAT." He reasoned. "I mean, look at all the blood... so much blood... lots..."

As if another person were in the room, Wade heard a second conscience speak to him. **_Wade, was that really necessary?_** The voice spoke.

"Disney?!" Wade gasped, eyes wide and bubbly. "Could it truly be?!"

The voice just sighed. _**... yes. Same as all the other times before...**_

Under the mask, the antihero giggled like a scoolgirl, he was actually talking to the guy that made all of it possible.

 _ **You do know we could have interrogated him into giving up where she is, right?**_

"Please~" he retorted. "The only info 'Lamb Chop' could have given us was the phone number to Subway." Pulling the mask down over his face, he made his way back to the couch to rummage through the piles of paper. In little time, he found what he had been looking for.

 _ **Found anything you were looking for?**_

"That's what it says above." Wade replied. He lifted a grimy picture covered in pizza grease. It was of the former mayor, Dawn Bellwether, being arrested. "Well, I just found my long lost pincushion."

* * *

 _[Later that night]_

A small fleet of ZPD squad cars had parked just outside the apartment complex. An ambulance carrying Doug had just left for the hospital. Beyond the police tape, Chief Bogo and the majority of Zootopia's finest were searching the area for any clues as to how this could have happened.

A seventh squad car pulled up and parked alongside the others. Officers Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps got out and headed to join their co-workers at the scene.

"Wilde. Hopps," Bogo called, slightly annoyed they were the last to show up. "I'd ask what too so long, but there are more important things than bad traffic."

"Sorry, Chief." Judy solemnly apologized. She silently looked to Nick accusingly, "We had to stop a certain con artist's popsicle scheme."

Pulling a recently finished popsicle stick from his mouth, Nick gave a slight smile and shrug before tossing it to the side.

"You seem to joke a lot more now with your partner around, Judy..." the Water Buffalo leaned in, breathing heavily with irritation, "... don't make me... regret... it."

Judy nodded. "Yes sir."

"Good. Now, gather all that you can from the crime scene." He then started walking back to his vehicle before looking back. "And you may want to look at THAT." He finished, pointing to the side of the building.

After Bogo's car pulled out, Nick and Judy slowly walked around the front and into the alley. They then looked up at the side and saw a large red and black symbol that resembled a mask with two windows as the eyes.

"Well, Carrots." Nick said, trying to lighten up the mood, "this definitely could be more important than traffic."

* * *

 **Phew. Finally got over the laziness to write again.** **Sorry, I just HAD to make this crossover, i didn't see another one that's why and I love both movies!**

 **For people reading 'Phil', I'm sorry it's taking so long, had writer's block, I'll try get back on it ASAP. ^^**


	2. Perfect Morning

The morning light seeped through the the only window in Judy's compact apartment. In a few, short moments, the sound of her smart phone's alarm filled her sensitive ears. She had set it early, but didn't feel like moving just yet, having just found the perfect position to sleep. Just after closing her eyes, a throaty grumble made them creak open and look to the side.

With a special happiness only brought about by perfect mornings, she quietly chuckled. "You're the only alarm I'll ever need, Nick." she said, smiling at her sleeping partner who had moved in since trying to quit his con-artist ways. Although she always felt secretly bad that he slept on the floor, the fox had never felt so much at home in a long time.

Springing to her feet, the bunny got off the bed and moved towards him. She could not hold back another chuckle, seeing his ears twitch whenever he'd snore again. She always found that to be one of his most adorable traits. Kneeling down, Judy placed her paws on his stomach and began to shake him.

"Nick... Nick," she repeated. After a few more shakes, she felt his body begin to shift. Before she had enough time to dodge, his arm stretched over and recoiled, pulling her in close. "Nick, your arm... oh, five more minutes I guess." she sighed, shaking her head at the exhausted confox. Knowing he wasn't getting up a moment too soon, she smiled warmly and rested her head on his chest, falling into a deep sleep.

 _[MUCH later]_

"Carrots..." a voice spoke. Judy opened her purple eyes and saw Nick standing above her with a plate of steamed carrots. "Some carrots... for Carrots." He joked, smiling widely.

Judy sat up and smiled with a raised eyebrow. "That's a bad joke, Nick. Even for you."

The fox returned her smile as he crouched to her level. "Well," he teased, "at least you're not a bad pillow."

The rabbit covered her eyes in embarrassment, she was too tired to even remember that and waved it off as just a dream. She would have burst out laughing if a terrible fear hadn't beaten it to the punch. It was nearly an hour and a half past their check-in times.

"Oh no!" she cried. Grabbing her police vest and dart gun, she ran past Nick to the door. "We're running late, c'mon!"

Holding the plate in one hand, Nick reached out and blocked her way. "Bogo said to take the day off."

Judy took a step back in surprise. "He did?" she wondered, "Why? What about the case?"

"Said you'd be more trouble than help if you came in half-asleep," he replied. "Why did you spend all night at the precinct, working?"

Judy had lots of surprise in her eyes. "How did you-?... Hmm... Clawhauser..."

Nick gave a toothy smile before ruffling the fur on Judy's head. "Yep. Truly dastardly. No one's that nice."

"Stop~" Judy scolded, playfully pushing his paw away. "Still, I can't say I'm not glad Bogo gave us the day off."

"Well... not 'us'." Nick corrected. He slipped his uniform over a sleeveless shirt and snatched his sunglasses from the dresser.

Judy's smile slowly sank. She would have loved a day off, but she enjoyed Nick's company even more. "Want me to tag along?" she asked.

"Still emotional, dumb bunny." Nick smiled. "I promise to be fine. Besides, looks like a sunny day out." That being said, he adjusted the glasses over his eyes and walked out of the apartment.

"See ya, sly fox!" she called out from the doorway.

"HEY, KEEP IT DOWN!" The side wall shook. Apparently, the roommates next door did have a volume limit.

* * *

 _[On the roof of Saharan Styles, across the street from the ZPD 1st precinct]_

"Well, well, well," Wade cooed, kneeling on the edge. He eyed the layout of the police building, "What are the chances of bribing them all with doughnuts without breaking my bank?"

 **I really think that's just a stereotype, Wade.** Disney's voice reasoned.

"Well then, Walt, you shouldn't have made the doughnut-dunking Clawhauser." He squinted into the precinct lobby and spotted the said tiger, happily eating his pastries. Reaching into his back pocket, he took out the picture of Bellwether. "Time to find out which hoosegow they've taken our pencil-pushing dragon lady."

Wade got to his feet, making sure to tug at his suit to prevent it from riding up. He reached his paw to touch a symbol on his wrist watch before suddenly turning around to face us... wait. What?

"Thanks for the intro." he said, leaning in to the invisible screen. "As for you readers, a little PSA." He took a few steps back and now had the Zootopian flag waving dramatically behind him. "We don't condone plotting against the authorities, they work hard to keep us safe..." The sudden noise of a record scratching caused the flag to fall flat down, "Plus, that's MY job!" He finished, pointing a victorious thumb at his head.

As if nothing had happened, the dog spun back around and placed a hand on the watch with a wagging tail. "Waka waka!" He pressed the glowing mask emblem etched onto it and, in a blue flash, vanished from the spot.

* * *

 **Just wanted to say, thanks for all the feedback, it's really encouraging! I'm glad you all are liking this. ^^**

 **And in case you were wondering, the 'Pool did have a teleportation watch in the comics, just didn't use it too often. :P**


	3. Police Department Brawl

A loud whoosh echoed from within the second floor elevator. Shortly after, the doors slid open with Wade standing inside, adjusting the mask off his muzzle, only hiding his eyes and above. He poked his head out and checked for any cops that may have been wandering nearby. Seeing no one, he grinned brightly, "Top floor: Lingerie and housewares."

Being cautious not to set off any alarm, he barreled down the hallway like there was no tomorrow. At the end of the hall, Chief Bogo's office was in plain sight. Nearing the door, Wade just how high up the doorknob was. Rolling his eyes, he gripped the teleport watch and vanished before reappearing inside the room.

"Ok, note to self," he vowed, "Lose the teleport. Makes these things WAY too easy."

 **Does this mean you'll be returning it to Stork Industries?** Disney wondered.

"I dunno..." Wade replied, shuffling through Bogo's desk drawers. "I don't think Tony would like finding out I played with his toys." His eyes suddenly lit up as he noticed a folder with Bellwether's name on the tag. "Wow, that was easier than I thought."

His happy moment was short-lived as he heard the click of the doorknob opening. The towering water buffalo in charge stepped through and immediately looked down at the costumed criminal.

That was when the voice in Wade's head threw up a red flag. **Something tells me he knew you were in here.**

Wade, knowing how to be witty, looked around with a confused look. "Why, this isn't the bathroom!"

"Save it." Bogo ordered, adding a touch of poison to his words. "You weren't exactly stealthy back there."

Behind him, a group of fellow officers had gathered around, made of lions, tigers, and bears.

"Oh my..." Wade mumbled, seeing the mob. He was just about to use the watch again before deciding against it. "Ya know what?" He growled, behind bared teeth, "I haven't used these babies since chapter one." He held the grips of his katanas, slowly lifting them up and then bit down on the corner of Bellwether's file, making sure to take it with him.

Bogo narrowed his eyes. "Don't do anything stupid."

"STUPID'S MY MIDDLE NAME!" Wade shouted, muffled with his mouth full. He quickly flipped his swords into a ready position. "Say hello to Big Stabby and Other Stabby!" He then charged at towards the door, indifferent to the larger animals that blocked his way.

Wade jumped and pushed off the doorway, giving himself the needed height to land square onto Bogo's horns, and with incredible acrobatics, he got to work. In a red blur, he jumped from officer to officer. He scratched a polar bear in the nose with a sword and dodged a tiger's arm trying to grab at him. Then, using Officer Francine's trunk, he surfed down and launched himself, drop-kicking a wolf to the floor.

Seeing him mow through the ranks, Chief Bogo grabbed his police radio to bring reinforcements. "We've got a 10-91V, and an officer down. Send backup!"

"10-4, Chief!" Nick's voice responded from the speaker.

With a clear shot to the elevators, Wade ran forward, only to be stopped by the doors before he got close. Standing inside was Officer Wilde, holding up a dart gun in one hand, and a baton in the other.

"Well, about time." Wade said, nodding his head approvingly with his arms crossed. "I can pick on someone my own size." He sheathed one of his swords and held the other with both hands.

With a gleam of his sunglasses, Nick rushed out of the elevator and shot two tranquilizer darts toward the intruder. Wade responded by deflecting both of them to the side which made one of the darts hit a tiger in the leg, causing him to fall to the ground, unconscious.

"HEADS UP!" he yelled. Stepping forward, he spun around and dropped the blade in a downward slice onto the tiger's neck. With fast reflexes, Nick flipped his baton backwards to cover his forearm and used it to block the attack. Wade's eyes narrowed down toward Nick, irritated, as he tightened his grip on the sword, "Killjoy."

"Are you... crazy?" Nick asked, struggling against Wade's surprising strength.

Wade beamed a smile, "Nope. My reality is just a bit different than yours." Letting go of the sword with one paw, he stunned Nick with a vicious punch to the nose and took his dart gun. He followed up with a kick to the stomach that sent the fox sliding into the open elevator, knocking the wind out of him.

Before Nick could get up, Wade threw his katana, making it stab into the elevator call button. "You lose~" he teased, winking just before the metal doors closed. He then pulled the sword from the button and sheathed it. With the other officers closing in, Wade leapt from the second floor ledge, hoping to land on his feet. Unfortunately, he forgot to stick the landing and was falling head-first. His eyes bulged open in surprise as he screamed. "OUCHIE!"

 _CRACK!_ He fell hard onto the marble floor. Looking from the central desk, Benjamin Clawhauser had a look of complete shock and horror.

"O-oh my..." he breathed, standing up slowly. "Are you ok? Tell me your ok, sir..."

Wade placed his paws on either side of his body and pushed off the ground. With a loud _POP!_ he managed to get his head out of the floor. Underneath, the large dent left by his face engraved the shape of his muzzle. Gliding down, Bellwether's criminal record folder landed softly in front of his crossed eyes.

"Look, ma!" He slurred, hysterically, "No hands!" Snapping out of the concussion, he shook his head and snatched the folder, grimacing when he felt his own drool on it. He ran outside before the stout cheetah could have helped him up.

He squinted as the warm sunlight shone brightly, he had forgotten how early it was. All around, he could see more police officers cornering him, but was too comfortable in the perfect temperature to not smile. The officers had all of their tranquilizers focused on him and were confused by his cheerful attitude at the moment. Even Judy raised a questioning eyebrow as the entire scene was being filmed by ZNN News. That was when one of the on-site journalists spoke up.

"Sir, what's your name?" The beaver asked, raising a microphone.

"My name?..." Wade asked, looking directly at the moving camera. His eyes arched with a smile and cheeks with blush, as he threw up a peace sign. "Deadpooch is the name, and my game is gettin' paid!"

In her apartment, Judy watched with a clenched fist. She would have loved to be down there, arresting him. Before she changed the channel, she saw Nick exit from the building and stand behind Wade, holding a pair of handcuffs.

"Well, you're under arrest, 'Deadpooch', for assault on an officer and stealing private information!" Nick exclaimed.

"Aren't you just a regular trooper?" Wade retorted with a tilted head. Nick walked behind and reached to handcuff him before Wade suddenly raised his arm, the one with the teleportation watch. "I don't think so...," he scolded with a sly grin, "I've got places to be." He held the criminal file in his jaws again and pressed his symbol on the watch.

As soon as he disappeared, there was nothing but silence. Even the snow leopard anchorwoman was speechless in the studio as the camera was filming.

Judy stared in disbelief at the television screen. "Wha-?... Where'd he go?"

Nick was still standing with the handcuffs out, frozen in shock. "Huh... that's a new one..."

The silence became overwhelming until, suddenly, the taunting honks of a squad car drew the attention of cameras and animals alike. In the driver's seat, sat the spandex-clad Terrier, waving childishly at Nick while revving the engine. Not waiting for anyone to react, he politely flipped on his turn signal while peeling out, crashing through two or five other squad cars.

Chief Bogo walked out of the building in time to see his car being hijacked. He held up his police radio and barked orders yet again. "All units, get in pursuit. Suspect is armed."

 **Wade,** Disney spoke, **do you really want to drag the entire police department in a chase?**

The newly named Deadpooch just laughed and spit the criminal file onto the passenger's seat. Taking advantage of the heavy winds, he rolled down the window and stretched his head through. Instantly, it became one of the best moments in his life, going over a hundred miles-an-hour, his tongue waving in the wind, and a fleet of ZPD on his tail.

* * *

 **I'm still pretty new at writing action scenes, but I hope you guys like it. :)**

 **Oh, and I'm open to any suggestions you guys may want to share that could make it more interesting. Just remember, it may be Deadpool, but he still follows some physical rules of this universe, one being no swearing. So just keep it T-for-Teens. ^^**

 **Fun Fact: In case you didn't know, a 10-91V is "Violent animal" on police radio. :D**


	4. Road Rage

The masked Terrier snapped out of the trance when a tranquilizer dart whistled by. "Phew. That was too close for comfort." he noted, pulling his head back into the car. That was when he remembered what all this was for. He had one goal and he did not want it to slide away, being chased by the fuzz.

Slightly bored, he looked around and saw the squad car police radio hanging from its plastic wire next to the rear-view mirror. Certainly not wanting to waste this divine opportunity, he clutched the mic and pulled it toward him. On his head, he suddenly wore a black trucker's cap backwards with the word 'DEADPOOCH' scribbled in red on the front. The hat fit perfectly with enough space to not irritate his ears, and the cops chasing him heard Bogo's radio abruptly crackle to life.

"Hoo-wee!" Wade shouted in a mock Southern accent. "High time I put the peddle ta the meddle, boys, 'cuz I see blue lights in my rear-view and I'm smellin' some bacon!"

Within one of the the squad cars nearest to him, Chief Bogo sat in the passenger's seat while Francine drove. He grabbed the radio inside and called out. "Park the vehicle and give yourself up, Deadpooch! Don't make this worse than it already is!"

Wade, not being the surrendering type, pushed open the glove compartment and fumbled inside for anything of use. His paw found Bogo's second sidearm and yanked it out. Moving his eyes over to where he holstered Nick's weapon, he gave an impressed whistle and nodded in content. "Now we're talking." he said to himself.

 **Just try not to cause a wreck, there are mammals around.** Disney warned.

"'course not, Walt. I'm always careful." Wade then turned to the back seat, looking at the same invisible camera as before. He simply shook his head, _'_ _No I'm_ _not.'_ he mouthed.

 **Wade...**

"Walt."

The ZNN helicopter had been hovering about, capturing the entire chase on film. Seeing which car was hers on the television, Judy kept her eyes locked onto it, knowing Nick was at the wheel. It was not even a minute later when she noticed the sunroof of Bogo's car open gradually. It was soon confirmed by the snow leopard anchorwoman that two paws were reaching out, and someone was climbing out from inside.

Back in Francine's car, the chief glared down at the radio as if he were expecting it to answer him, personally. His concentration shattered when the elephant's voice hesitated in worry. "Uh, Chief?..." she shakily spoke.

"Not now, Francine!" he ordered, still glaring at the mic.

She pointed a large foot to the windshield. "Chief, you REALLY should look at this!"

"Fine. WHAT?" Bogo asked sternly as he finally looked up. As soon as his eyes found their target, his scornful expression turned nervous.

Wade stood backwards atop the moving squad car with his legs spread over the open sunroof, his eyes narrowed angrily underneath the black stetson hat he had just donned. His hands were paused at the hips while his fingers wiggled above the handles of both dart guns which were holstered at the side. As fun as this was, now was the time for business.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to say, Buffalo-wings!" he accusingly growled. Inside the car, he had kept the speed with cruise control and stabbed his sword into the gas pedal.

In one, solid motion, he gripped the gun handles tightly. Flipping both on each index finger, he crossed an arm over the other and held both weapons sideways, pointing them at his pursuers. He then began squeezing both triggers blindingly fast, one after the other.

"Bang!" he frantically counted. "Bang-Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang-Bang-Bang!"

With windshields being damaged and broken with flying needles, the persistent ZPD swerved to either side of the street in hopes of dodging the bombardment. Taking advantage of the opening, Officer Wilde drove into the middle and sped straight up to catch the rogue squad car. Wade's crazed shots continued until both guns produced nothing but empty clicks. Once Nick got close enough, he turned the steering wheel and rammed the back of the stolen vehicle. The sudden jolt made Wade nearly lose his lunch as he let out a girly squeal. Dropping back into the driver's position, he peered out the window just as Nick drove up alongside him.

"Pullover." Nick ordered, lowering his sunglasses to look him in the eye.

Chuckling, Wade pulled at his outfit so the former confox could see. "No, it's a spandex suit, but thanks for noticing." He flashed a mockingly kind smile.

Out of patience, and seeing how close they were getting to the city limits, Nick rammed the side of the squad car once again. Wade bared his teeth under the mask, seems this one wasn't going away anytime soon.

"You really shouldn't do that..." he warned in a growl, "I tend to ROAD RAGE!" Giving a violent jerk at the hilt of his sword, Deadpooch pulled the katana out of the gas pedal and turned it around, wielding it like a spear. With a bark of anger, he threw the blade down, successfully puncturing a front wheel in the other car.

The large cut had made steering nearly impossible. As he slammed hard on the brakes, Nick looked up to see a row of parked vehicles that awaited their owners by the entrance of Sahara Square. As a last attempt to keep the damage minimal, he roughly turned the wheel. However, the freshly popped tire knocked the car off-balance and it quickly began to flip.

In the apartment, Judy covered her mouth and gasped in horror as the news helicopter filmed the crash. Nick was successful in dodging the parked cars, but his was turned upside down on the curb and slid back, hitting a concrete wall. She shook her head fearfully, got up, and left as quickly as she could.

Luckily though, the seemingly violent crash was only a small scrape and Nick was safely hanging upside down thanks to the fastened seat belt. Groaning from disorientation, he managed to unbuckle himself and crawl out with minor bruises. Looking to the city limits, he could see Bogo's hijacked squad car racing out of sight. Though they were too late in stopping Wade, Nick's fellow officers were quick to help their comrade to his feet before teaming up to stand the car upright.

* * *

Slowing his speed to the legal limit, Wade relaxed a bit, turning on the air conditioning. He removed his mask and allowed the crisp air to cool his ever-burning skin. Thanks to the original, unrefined, Night Howler compound, the chemical side effect never ceased to eat away at his skin all the while-

"I think that's enough!" he cried, waving an arm spastically to stop. "Nobody likes spoilers."

Soon, after passing through the center square, Deadpooch finally had reached his destination. He reached below the passenger seat and found Bellwether's file, it must have fell during the chase. Opening it, he flipped through the criminal record and found he went in the exact opposite direction of the correct prison. She was actually held in the Tundratown Correctional Facility. Painting a mental picture of Nick, he quickly grew enraged, being sent the wrong way by the annoying fox.

Wade chuckled slightly in his manic anger before verbally exploding. "SON OF MY MOM!" He created a large dent in the roof through a well-placed punch.

Revving the engine, he pressed down forcibly on the gas and peeled out of the street. Though, to add to the crushing failure, the car had soon slowed to a stop in the middle of Mane Street. Apparently, it hadn't been refueled recently.

A long ways from the central square, a group of camels raced across the sandy terrain only to stop dead in their tracks. The loud, echoing sounds of angry yelling could've been heard with their ears. For those nearby, looks of confusion were etched on their faces as they saw the shaking car. The words most yelled from inside were random things like 'Flock' or 'Spit', and it seemed every time he mentioned them, he'd get even angrier and argue with himself.

* * *

 **Those darn language censors... what's a Deadpool that's rated PG? It's a bad day for Wades everywhere...**


	5. Getting Started

**First off, sorry for the late update, been getting terrible writer's block, especially since I think I rushed the last chapter a bit. :/**

 **Still, I'd like to thank 'hunterX95', 'iamgoku' and 'risedragon0009'. I am LOVING the suggestions you guys gave! And I'll be sure to add them where I can. ^^**

 **If anyone else has other tips or ideas to get the most out of the story, I'm always open for it!**

* * *

 _[First Precinct Debriefing Room]_

Bogo entered the room and was greeted by the traditional rhythmic pounding on the tables from the officers. However, this time it was a half-hearted beat, as most of them did not feel up to celebrating after the morning's failure.

As he got behind the small podium, the buffalo let out an exhausted breath. "Well, now. You all must have guessed the main subject of today." The entire room responded with a series of nods and grumbles. All, that is, except one officer.

Judy stood on her chair, raising her hand as though her life depended on it. "Chief Bogo, we'd like this case!" she demanded.

"Lucky for you, Hopps, it's not a first-come-first-serve. Priority ONE." he said, lifting up the case file. "A masked... er... canine... had slipped right outta our reach and made off with the criminal papers of Dawn Bellwether."

Taking notice of his rumbling stomach, one of the lion officers spoke up. "Chief, when's lunch?"

"I'm not going to answer that." Bogo said, eyes narrowing. "Anymore questions?" Seeing more than ten paws suddenly rise up, he let out an annoyed huff. "Any questions NOT about lunch?!"

When all arms sunk back down, the chief took up the assignments folder, shaking his head irritatedly, and began reading off names and their daily stations.

Half an hour had passed when Judy hastened out of the building with an eager skip in her step. Nick casually walked behind and caught up to her in a few strides, his usual smug expression lighting up his face. Even though he was irritated with Wade having got away, his ironclad emotions failed to get the better of him.

Managing to keep her adrenaline in check, she stopped to turn to her partner. "Nick?..."

"Hmm?" The fox smiled down with a raised eyebrow.

"About earlier..." she reached up and rested a concerned paw against his side, "are you alright?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Now, what'd I say about getting emotional, flatfoot? I'm fine."

Within a few moments, they had reached their parked squad car. Judy took control in the driver's seat while Nick sat in the passenger seat, taking out his aviator sunglasses and slipping them onto his muzzle. After exchanging smiles, Judy switched on the ignition and pulled out of the parking space. Their investigation has officially begun.

* * *

 _[Meanwhile... Mane St, Sahara Square]_

The blistering heat did little to nothing for Wade as he trudged along the street, keeping as close as he could to the shade-providing buildings nearby. Passing mammals would unconsciously stare while trying to figure out the reason for the costume. What really brought most looks his way was his constant grumbling.

It wasn't long before a small lion cub, who didn't know better, thought it would be best to voice his opinion about the stranger's outfit. So he approached, ice cream cone in hand.

The little runt called out. "Hey Mister!"

Cocking his head to the side, Wade slowly leaned in close to the cub's face, his eye almost taking up the poor child's view. Not in the mood fro snotty brats, he began breathing angrily, flaring his nostrils.

"What is it, runt?" he asked, impatiently.

"It's Robert." the small lion answered bitterly. He took a step away and pointed an accusing paw at Wade's mask. "You look funny."

"Not as funny as your expression..." Deadpooch shot back.

The cub scrunched his nose and sneered. "Whatcha mean?" Afterwards, the costumed canine grinned maliciously.

 _[A few, brief moments later]_

"BETSY!" the poor cub cried. He ran down the block and turned the corner.

The small lion, Robert, stood crying hysterically as his nanny felt around his head, wondering why his mane had been shaved down to an ugly bowl cut hairstyle. From just around the corner, Deadpooch's head peered out from behind the side. In his right hand was an electric shaver, in the other was Robert's unfinished ice cream.

"Tee hee!" he giggled childishly. It wasn't until the ice cream rolled off the waffle cone and plopped onto the floor that his smile disappeared. "Hmph."

"YOU!" he heard the large heifer shout. Wade's eyes shot open in fright as he saw her hastily walking in his direction.

"Nope!" he turned and ran down the opposite street, not wanting to face her wrath. "Mad cow! Mad cow!"

At a safe distance, he breathed a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, his moment had been cut short when he overheard something all too familiar...

"Discount movies!" resounded a voice from a nearby alley. "Early release! Get 'em while they're still here!"

 ** _I take it we know that sound?_**

"With all the voices in my head I can recognize a sleazeball when I hear him." Wade proceeded to walk near the alley and peer inside.

 _ **You shouldn't say that in a children's movie.**_

"You're right, I meant I recognize a sleazeball when I hear THEM." He turned to the invisible screen and pointed. "Gender equality, kids. Be progressive!"

 _ **We aren't trying to be stealthy, are we?**_

"I'm trying to draw as little attention as possible..." As he said that, behind him stood a small tourist group, gawking at the Terrier's insanely tight outfit..

Seeing no point to sneaking in broad daylight, he bravely clenched his butt-cheeks and strut down the unsanitary strip to a small table piled with DVDs. Standing behind it was the lean, disheveled weasel who lived up to his title. As the bootleg salesman looked behind to recount his wares, Wade took the opportunity to speed up and break the ice.

"Excuse me, good sir." Wade greeted in a snobby accent. "Do you, by any chance, have 'Savage Vixens 5'? I hear that went straight to video." he then gave a two thumbs up and a wink. The weasel turned back around at the odd request and took an uneasy step back when he saw the red and black visage.

Looking around, the shifty salesman leaned over the table. "DP? Is that you? The Mutt with A Muzzle? Ya look a bit different."

"Well, when you've had the facelift I got, Weasel, you tend to look a bit blotchy." Wade removed his mask to prove his point.

"At least you're still recognizable. And I go by 'Duke Weaselton' now, man. May have to change my name again though, thanks to that rabbit cop."

The very thought made Wade raise a curious eyebrow. "A... rabbit officer, you say? Didn't see that coming. And isn't that the old guy from Frozen?"

"Never heard of that movie." he fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a small set of keys, jingling them in the air. "But, I'm sure you aren't here to hang out though."

In a short time skip, the two had walked to the outskirts of Sahara Square where a self-storage outlet spanned across a whole street. Luckily, they were the only ones present, so they had little care unlocking and heaving up the metal bay doors. Looking inside, Wade could not fight a joyful tear as the storage space lit up with a single lightbulb shining over tons of wooden crates which all bore his symbol, spray-painted onto them. In the middle of it all was a lunch truck, covered by an old tarp.

"And these aren't filled with sleeping darts." Weasel added, pointing to the crates. "Kept all your stuff here while you were... pulling yourself back together."

Wade breathed a sigh of relief and slapped him victoriously on the back, hard enough to make the small-time criminal stumble. "And now's the time... FOR CHIMICHANGAS!"

* * *

 _[Meanwhile...]_

Along the main road through downtown Zootopia, Judy's SUV squad car gradually made it's way through the traffic.

Nick still couldn't get the thought of the car chase out out of his mind. "Shouldn't we be going to Sahara Square to catch Deadpooch?"

"We'll need information on who he is, Nick." Judy replied, "He went through a lot of trouble to get those papers."

"And you already have an idea where we could find some?" He didn't mean to slightly raise his tone, but he terribly wanted Wade behind bars.

"Actually, I do." she responded, an encouraging smile on her face. "We're going to see how my goddaughter is doing."

Despite being in good graces once again, Nick still couldn't help but swallow nervously at the idea of asking Mr. Big for help. With Judy's rabbit-paced driving, it wasn't too long before they had passed through the city limits nearing Tundra Town.


	6. Chapter 5 and a half

**Gah! Sorry 'bout being so late on updating. I had MAJOR writer's block and had to revise the chapter quite a few times, didn't seem to go right.  
**

 **Still, thanks to you all very much for reading and enjoying, it's been good fun to write thus far! ^^**

* * *

With disproportionate tires lazily attached, the wheels of the aged food truck rattled as the vehicle made it's way from Sahara Square into downtown Zootopia.

Nearing the entrance, both Weasel and Deadpooch looked forward to see a small squad of police officers inspecting cars entering the city. Clearly searching for the masked criminal who had eluded them earlier. With a knowing look toward each other, Wade leapt into the back for a place to hide. Unfortunately, his only options were hiding behind a weapon crate or the cheese dispenser. After quickly snatching a stale tortilla chip, he then used it to scoop out some chili and covered the entire thing with nacho cheese.

"Wade, what're you doing, man?" Weasel asked anxiously. "We're gonna get caught!"

Deadpooch pooped his head out from behind the dispenser, his cheeks puffed and bits of nachos stuck onto his mask along his muzzle. "Domph wowwy, I goh dith!"

By the time they had reached the police checkpoint, Weasel couldn't stop himself from breathing nervously as a large Kangaroo dressed in tactical gear stepped close to the window. With a greeting nod of the head, the officer shined a flashlight through the window and glanced inside.

"Got anything in the back there, mate?" the officer asked with a suspicious tone.

"Just me!" Deadpooch announced, punching open the cashier window. He had removed his mask, knowing they would be looking for it, but still didn't like the bits of sand flying into his damaged flesh. In one hand, he held a freshly made chimichanga and beamed a vicious smile.

"CRICKEY!" the kangaroo yelped in shock at the sight. "What in all the Outback did that ta you?!"

Wade rested a comfortable elbow onto the counter. "When good tanning goes bad, Officer... Joey?"

"Martin." the cop corrected. Obviously, he had gotten the same assumption from others.

"Wow, that's a new one."

Nodding to the other officers nearby, Martin let the truck pass into city limits. He gave a snort of annoyance and disgust when he saw Wade cheerfully wave him goodbye.

With a reckless whip of his tail in Weasel's face, earning a grimace, Deadpooch climbed over and sat in the passenger's seat once more. "See? Wasn't so bad."

 _[10 Minutes Later]_

As they continued through the heart of the city, Wade stuck his head out the window when noticing the streets being more lively this time of day.

"Deep in thought there, bud?" Weasel questioned, seeing his partner-in-crime staring at the sidewalk.

Wade shook his head. "Nah, just tryin' to spot the old guy." he replied. "Usually shows up this far into the story."

Weasel had a look of utter confusion. "Old guy?"

Before he could get a reply, Wade gave a small bark of excitement and nearly climbed out the window, his tail wagging with half his body outside the car.

On the sidewalk, an aging wolf with grey fur on his head stood, busy signing a floppy piece of paper. It was a picture of himself in an action pose with the small rabbit waiting next to him, eagerly shaking.

"Hey! Hey Stan!" Wade called out, flailing his arms wildly.

The wolf finished signing the autograph and gave it to the kid, ruffling the fur on his head with a friendly paw.

"Do you know that man, Mister?" the bunny wondered.

Looking back at the food truck driving away, he slowly shook his head, his light orange sunglasses shining in the light. "Nope. Never seen that guy before in my life."

After weaving through the next couple of blocks to where Little Rodentia was, Wade spotted an armored truck with a convoy of squad cars tailing from behind. With the roof lights flashing, the convoy moved quickly though the courteous traffic. They seemed to have been coming from Tundratown.

Weasel turned where his friend looked and saw the small parade. "Didn't know they escorted trucks so heavily for money."

"My common sense is tingling..." Wade said, squinting.

 ** _Perhaps you should get that checked._** Disney's monologue warned.

Ignoring the otherwise sound advice, Wade continued while adjusting the swords on his back. "I don't think it's money they're moving." Reaching behind into a crate, he heaved a small pile of weapons onto his lap. Then, when shuffling through the stash pulled out two mini bombs, one in each paw. "Don't wait up."

Not waiting around for a returned farewell, he dove straight out of the window, into the street. He started running towards the convoy like his life depended on it.

* * *

 _[Meanwhile, in the Outskirts of Tundratown...]_

The windshield wipers sloshed left to right as the snowfall came down to blanket the province. Luckily, the snowfall would be a temporary obstacle because the SUV had nearly reached the end of it's destination.

As they neared the compound, Judy noticed her partner becoming more and more anxious about seeing the arctic shrew. To ease his tension, she turned on the radio to find something that could calm his nerves. One station had a spokesperson with a very strong accent. Apparently, it was a tour guide channel.

"Welcome to Tundratown," said the deep automated voice, "where car drives YOU!"

Judy rolled her eyes at the overused joke and shut the radio off. With a heavy sigh, the rabbit officer rested a caring paw on Nick's arm. As though a cure-all, the fox immediately relaxed and started to breath more calmly.

It was not long after when they had parked right outside the security gate at the residence. In a few, ice-cracking steps, the car became overshadowed by the towering polar bear henchmen Kevin and Raymond. Their fearsome size only worsened the burning glare they gave as they peered down into the windshield, their every breath becoming frost in the cold and tinting the window.

Judy, not being phased at all, leaned out from behind the frost left by their breathing and cheerfully waved. "Hello, boys! We need to talk with Mr. Big. Is he available?" Right away, the bodyguards' expressions slightly brightened into what may have been smiles.

"Mr. Big is expecting you, officer." Raymond notified in a voice with bass. The bears then stepped aside and opened the gate. As the vehicle passed, Raymond shot a deadly glance at Nick through Judy's window which made him chuckle nervously.

Once parked to the side and having gotten out, Nick and Judy were welcomed by Koslov who, unlike his fellow polar bears, was much larger than the two. Greeting them with a respectful nod, he gently opened his giant, loosely clasped paws to reveal Mr. Big, sitting on his business chair.

"Ah, Judy..." the shrew sighed in relief. He placed a small paw against his chest. "I can't tell you the good it does my heart to see you're ok."

"You know why we're here?" Judy asked, surprised.

"My dear, it would surprise me if not everyone saw what happened this morning." Stopping his sentence, Mr. Big snapped his fingers. "Walk with me." he requested as Koslov trudged through the front door and into the office. "Now," Mr. Big continued while being set onto the table, "we can talk in in a temperature more to your liking."

"Thank you." Judy replied, unconsciously stopping herself from shivering.

"I was viewing my television, eating a cannoli, when I stumbled upon this morning's news." Giving a sad sigh, the shrew continued. "I'm ashamed to say I know, very well, who this mutt is... and how it could partially be my fault."

Too concerned about the topic for manners, Judy pulled a chair close, nearly leaning over the desk to listen intently despite Nick's silent pleas to stop. Luckily, however, Mr. Big must have understood her feelings and waved an authoritative, halting paw when Koslov stepped forward to grab the bunny. Judy hadn't noticed, and proceeded while her partner stood quietly, ears folded as he twiddled his fingers nervously.

Clasping her hands together, Judy began to pry. "Who is he, Mr. Big? And what does he want with Bellwether?"

With a raised eyebrow, Mr. Big cocked his head to the side. "If you know he's after the ewe-"

"But he's not after us." Judy interrupted, making the shrew shake his head.

"Not you," Nick corrected from afar. "Ewe, E-w-e. Female sheep."

"Oh~" Judy said, scratching the back of her neck in embarrassment.

"Don't worry 'bout it." Mr. Big affirmed. "Though shouldn't you be more concerned about seeing to her safety?"

Judy waved a dismissing hand. "It's alright, Chief Bogo has an armored escort already relocating her."

"I'm afraid it's not that simple." Reaching into his blazer, the crime boss pulled out what looked to be a small picture. He set it onto the desk and spun it to face Judy.

The rabbit looked up hesitantly. "Um..." But, without needing to ask, Kevin walked up and placed the photo under a microscope and slid it towards her.

After adjusting the zoom to normal size, Judy noticed an old female shrew with her arms loving wrapped around who could have been her grandchild. Judging by the quality, the picture seemed old so it could have been Mr. Big.

"Mr. Big, who's that?" she wondered, pointing to the tall grey wolf next to Grandmama Big. He had a firm hand on the polar bear's shoulder and appeared a lot more experienced than the latter.

Not needing to see the photo, Mr. Big looked up at her solemnly in the eyes. "That is Wade Wilson. Though you seem to know him more as Deadpooch."

With wide eyes, both Nick and Judy had the same question in mind. "WHAT?" they exclaimed in unison.


	7. A Brush With Death

As Mr. Big regaled the duo with his backstory, Wade continued sprinting toward the oncoming convoy. As he began fumbling with both grenades in each paw, he shoved one awkwardly in the back of his pants before holding the second with both hands. As the convoy turned onto the street, Wade slowed his pace to a brisk skip. The officers driving the two front squad cars were quick to activate their sirens and honk for the dog to move.

Wade paused for a second before squinting with intent, handling the grenade like a bowling ball. He stood up on his paw pads and, accompanied with twiddling sounds, tiptoed forward before lobbing it underhandedly. The bomb landed a few feet in front of the armored truck before rolling under the front and exploding.

"Hannah-Anna... BARBARA!" Wade shouted in a sing-song voice, jumping victoriously in the air.

He looked ahead just in time to see the armored truck violently flip into the air, passing the front two escort vehicles, and fall towards him. Not wanting to disappoint any onlookers, Wade ran and slid forward on his knees.

"Slow-mo dodge~!" He cried, striking a cool pose while awaiting the truck to fly overhead.

 ** _THOOM!_** Unfortunately, his so-called calculations fell short as the steel roof of the mobile cell landed square onto the antihero.

* * *

Wade's eyes slowly blinked open as his vision blurred before adjusting to the soft lighting. He realized he was on his back in the center of a brown rug and above was a fan slowly spinning.

He groaned a little as he sat up, shaking his head. "Ugh... gotta lay off the Milk Bone."

Looking to the right he saw a large, mahogany desk with a pair of black ears sticking up from behind. Finally getting up and brushing off his pants, Wade turned to see an all black jackal in a dark dress sitting cross-legged.

"Hmm, you've got shorter." she teased in a calm tone.

"Not where it counts." Wade retorted, making himself at home by walking towards a mini-fridge and peering inside. "So what'll it be while we kill time? I'm thinking tater tots."

"Sounds good." the jackal replied, getting up from her chair. After walking a few feet to a record player, she reached out a skeletal paw and pressed down on the arm. As the small needle began scraping across the vinyl record a smooth jazz number began playing.

Moving with a rhythmic strut, Wade slid a plate of tater tots into a microwave while scatting as he set the timer. "Wanna fork or spoon?"

"Tater tots are finger food, Wade."

"Oh, I know that." He replied, looking back with wiggling eyebrows... if he still had them.

Shaking her head, Death waltzed over to him, humming to the music. "You're healing faster. I think you're getting too used to this."

"Eh~ Not the comeback I was expecting, but alri-"

Before Wade could finish, Death reached for his shoulder until it was only an inch away. "Time's up, Wade."

* * *

The crackling static of walkie-talkies could be heard from the outside as well as the muffled chatter that followed. Under the overturned truck, Wade could just move about in the small crater made from his body.

"Is that a bone?" he murmured to himself, feeling something under his tail.

After struggling a bit in the very limited space he had, Wade managed to use his paw to pull out whatever was under him. With a small click, he yanked out a circular pin and slowly leaned his head back after realizing what it was for.

"Well..." he sighed. "There's always tater tots." _**KABOOM!**_

* * *

"Hold still, Wade." Death spoke quietly. "I want to make sure the details are just right."

As she continued painting, Death would randomly glance at the nearby couch. Resting there on an artfully constructed pile of cloth was Wade's head.

"Hey-uh, how long is this gonna take? My muzzle itches." He whined, trying to rub his lower jaw against the cloth.

"Don't worry, it's just a bust." She explained. "You've got time." Off to the side of the couch were several plastic containers containing the rest of Wade's body.

Wade made the most attractive face he could muster. "Go on then~ draw me like a French poodle."

* * *

 **Yea... long hiatus. But I'm coming around.**

 **Short chapter too, I know. Just gotta get used to writing again after a while... too much gaming.**


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